Aye, I've been waiting for so long to write something for all you Photoshop prodigies.

oh, so you happened to come across this page for help, huh? wait a
second -checks mail- I've got an email!


 Well Ju Dye, I think I can help since obviously I don't have anything better to do with my life than help you with Photoshop  FOTOSHOP. we're going to attempt to draw a little cat using Photoshop. but first you need the program.

*poof* now you have this awesome program! you may also now have a criminal record for downloading it illegally. but lets not worry about that too much now, shall we? you are ready to begin your drawing.

STEP ONE

Lets start off with the head. go ahead and grab a watermelon and trace around it. for the ears, you're going to have to cut up a triangle and place it in the appropriate spots (an adult may be able to help you with this) then trace around it.

STEP TWO

The head is the most important part of the cat. oh who the hell am I kidding. the eyes are the most important part of the cat. so to do this, you will have to draw really huge anime-like eyes that warp out of the head. don't worry, cats really do look like that!

STEP THREE

Time for the nose and mouth. make sure the nose is drawn a little off center (it adds, uhh, depth). as for the mouth, draw a large dot. it's the easy, quick and amazing way to do it! aww, look! it's cute already!

STEP FOUR

Now you're ready to start drawing the body! hooray! don't freak out, its okay if you don't have a grasp on simple anatomy or proportion. it's not like anyone else has a grasp on those things either! now, the easiest way to draw the body is to draw it like a demented rectangle. don't forget to leave holes for the legs and tail!

STEP FIVE

here I will teach you how to draw the legs and tail.
legs: fat sticks with demented ovals on the ends. finish them off by erasing the oval marks on the insides of the legs.
tail: trace something like a broom, a mop, a cleaning brush, or even your own hairbrush.

STEP SIX

You're ready to color! err, the coloring didn't turn out like you wanted it to? oh well. you're just going to have to start a revolution in Photoshop coloring by using the Soft Round brushes, Gaussian Blur, and lots of smudging!

STEP SEVEN

Special effect time! but you already know this part, and you've been waiting for it since the moment you were born. now all your hard research on downloading brushes have paid off. we should rename you Einstein!! now go and change your name on your birth certificate and come back here.

• Sparkles: you need them. they need you. the general public needs to have a seizure. so go ahead and use your sparkle brush all over your little cat figure! (especially around it's eyes). you may cause cancer of the eyes for both the general public and the cat, but that's okay.

• Wings: wow, this is going to be hard. I hear you saying "NOT TO WORRY ABOUT! nothing about Photoshop is
  hard!" so you need to make a white blob on your cat's shoulders -oh wait- your cant doesn't have shoulders because you don't know your anatomy! that's okay, just draw up a blob on the cat's BACK and smudge it into feathers.

• Fluro Colors: you already have this covered, you genius you.

STEP EIGHT

Finally, sign your work. day-um, it already took you 20 minutes to draw all this along with stealing the program and changing your name. no worries! this part is the most important one of all. You wouldn't want anyone to mistake your heart stopping work for someone else's, right? so sign REALLY big over your art, that way no one could air brush out out and steal if from you. make sure to also add something like "0MG DON`T STEAL MAH W0RK, iiT T0OK ME 4 EVA 2 D0 iiT. D0N`T STEAL MAH STYLE EITHER!"

also remember to deny anything negative that's said about your art work! we all know that you have a gift from god and that everything you touch turns into pure crap GOLD! don't listen to them, they're all dumb!

CHECK YOURSELF

If your drawing turned out anything like the picture below, YOU HAVE FAILED AT LIFE. if your picture looks like the one above, CONGRATULATIONS! you win a thousand online ROFLMFAO's!

FAQ's

here an email sent by one of my readers asking questions regarding this tutorial:


Dear UR Truth: "launch" is when you want to start the program up. gosh, it's not rocket science. or maybe it is and I make a big deal about stealing it because this program is probably worth more than your current college savings. and most importantly, wont save Photoshop on a floppy disk for you. It's too large and wont fit, but your brain might be able to fit into the floppy disk. It doesn't contain much anyway.

ASK QUESTIONS

feel free to email me asking any questions you may have regarding this tutorial:

Recipient: 

Subject:     

Reality Check

you know the question form isn't real, right? hahaha. well, if you did, I'm sorry if I offended you. this is a parody/joke whatever you want to call it of a tutorial for all you Photoshop prodigies. If you took this seriously, I pity you. really.

believe it or not, some of the things you read here have actually been asked by people I know.

I don't want to take credit for this tutorial because of several reasons: the images weren't created by me, and most of the text wasn't mine either. so I guess I'm a hypocrite. who cares, right? haha.